destroying the evidence

this is what i did with the last remaining lobster of the weekend. everyone should know how to make risotto because it makes you more sexually appealing.

you need:

• 1 cooked lobster
• a glass of that leftover white wine from the weekend
• 1 small white onion, diced
• a lot of chicken broth
• arborio / risotto rice
• light cream
• grated parmiggiano reggiano (i think i have one too many 'g's in that)
  

take the lobster apart. reserve the tomalley for your girlfriend if she's into that sorta thing and she has her allergy medicine present. you can get the meat out of the tiny legs by squeezing them like long, chitinous zits (i know, it sounds gross... but do it and tell me what you think it looks like). cut the meat into bite size chunks. reserve the lobster shell.

take reserved lobster shell and put it into a pot with the chicken broth. warm that up.

put onion in pan with olive oil (oh, yeah, you need a little olive oil to make this work) and saute until translucent. add the rice and stir it around for a bit, then dump the glass of wine and watch it sizzle.

at this point you'll be doing what makes risotto into risotto... start ladling the broth into the rice. only put one or two ladle-fuls into the rice at a time, then stir it until it's absorbed. keep the pan over medium heat. you might want to be drinking the rest of the bottle of wine or some beer while doing this. ladle, stir, repeat. eventually your grains of rice will become all full and pouty like Angelina Jolie's lips-- taste it (again, like Angelina Jolie's lips) every so often. when you feel the rice is just about done (not too mushy, but not hard), add a bit o' cream and the lobster meat, and stir it in. the plumpifying of the rice should take, oh, i dunno, 20ish minutes... so if you start it at 8:40 on a monday night you'll be able to plate it up just in time to watch 24. take off heat, stir in cheese and serve.

feed rice to significant other. if no significant other is present, more risotto for you. pat self on back and consume remaining alcohol in house. pass out in your work clothes and wake up two hours late for work with couch marks on face. pick up a medium dunkees iced coffee with milk and a little sugar and hope nobody sees you coming in to work at 10:30. write a blog entry about what you did last night and then go to lunch.